The Beard of Doom

Top Ten Good Things about Having a Beard:

10.  My face is warm, pretty much regardless of the winter outside.  Plus, I don’t have to worry about most of my face getting sunburned.

9.  I become more inscrutable.  Hard to see my expression behind all the hair.  I should try poker.

8.  I spend less time in the shower, since that’s where I usually shave my face.

7.  I have something to stroke while I ponder on things.

6.  I get to show how manly I am, since Real Men can grow Real Beards.

5.  I think I look better with a beard.

4.  I tend to scare small children with my beard.  Yes, this is a bonus.

3.  I’m reaching back to my roots with my facial hair.  My British heritage. Also, my Danish heritage.

2. My chin hairs are the canary of grey hairs.  And the canary is starting to look a little woozy.

1.  I carry food storage with me.

Top Ten Bad Things about Having a Beard:

10.  It’s too warm in the summer.

9.  I have to explain myself all the time, since people miss the little grin I put on when I’m being silly.

8.  I spend WAY more time shampooing my hair in the shower.  Pretty much a full-head exercise now.

7.  It does itch a bit,  although that does tend to go away when the hair gets long enough.

6. The girly-men have taken over fashion since the 80s, so I’m not in style.

5.  This is about as good-looking as I get.

4.  Sometimes I like to hold babies, but they mostly don’t want me to.

3. The roots of my hair are all over the place.  I have to dust my own hairs off my desk daily.

2. I have grey hairs on my chin!  Aigh!

1.  I carry food storage with me.